Breaking Down Daily Barriers: Fear, Perfection & Perception
I’m thinking a lot today about our collective society’s search for perfection. There’s always been this weird concept floating around that in order to try to do something new, we already need to be perfect at it.
Wait, but how backwards is that?! Shouldn’t we all feel like we can start a new hobby, not expecting to be Serena and Venus Williams level of good if its our first time on a tennis court? Or, Jimi Hendrix level of fantastic when we start our fledgling music practice?
Yet people everywhere feel tied to this concept: That our Instagram feeds always need to be “on-brand” or we can’t share something, or that we don’t want to try a new artistic skill if we’ll be “bad at it”.
Just yesterday, I had to banish thoughts from my head that even though I was on a fun, gorgeous, day-hike with good friends, I should somehow feel bad that I’m 10 yards behind them on a few of the uphills. Why should I feel bad about that? Because they’re all beautiful fit, strong badasses who actively practice working out? Or was it that I needed to feel bad, because I’m out of shape?
Well, how about digging deeper on that one: I’m out of shape because I’ve been too busy planning and supporting and celebrating (with food and drinks and desserts, weddings and “hey its been a year!” dinners) with my friends and family on the east coast, instead of keeping up a rather intense workout regimen?
In order to try to do something new, we already need to be perfect at it.
But this perfectionism is pervasive in our society, and toxic not only to us, but to those who look up to us.
Imagine how much more in life we would try, if the barrier to entry wasn’t littered with the roadblocks of our fears and our own self-loathing. What if we spent our lives forgetting to say “I can’t”, and started saying “why not?”
What if we just remembered that in order to change our lives and habits, we do have to make small adjustments and improvements, and that those will stick around longer?
For a great talk on habit change, check out Josh Boone’s TEDx-style talk about Habit & Behavior Change that he gave when we were in Malaysia. (Seriously. Check it out.)
Yet, with all the conscious rationalization I have about positive thinking and small steps to great success, I still internalize so much of the negative self-talk. I’ve been job searching these days, in order to find a cool role that lights me up and energizes me, but with every job I see, I’ve been beating myself up about not having every possible qualification.
What gives? I’m a reliable, energetic, ridiculously innovative candidate, and a huge asset to all the teams I’ve ever joined. So what if I have a unique back-story? Why do I need to fight my own fears on top of putting myself in full view of people who need my services?
What if we spent our lives forgetting to say “I can’t”, and started saying “why not?”
I find I needed to re-center and re-affirm my own motivations.
Why, exactly, do I want to move away from the flexibility and self-direction of my freelance design strategy business? Oh! Because I feel I can be actively more helpful in a full-time position: I want to dig deep and help companies and people create sustainable, socially impactful products and services. I want to show up and help build shifts in legislation and product design and daily habits to actively and passively change our screwed up, wasteful system for the better. And, I’d love to work with a team every-day that does that. (Know of anything? Drop me a line!)
I pride myself on providing this support for others, so why is it that we can’t be good friends to ourselves?
When it comes to support, love, and positive thinking, we’re the first to tear ourselves down. What gives? (For another great TEDtalk about how to remove negative thinking, check this out!)
I know, what is this picture of a smoothie doing in a meditation about perfectionism? But, this post came about when I got a bit of criticism about not doing something “perfectly”. I bought a Splendid Spoon cleanse (this smoothie is delicious by the way!), and I didn’t follow the suggestions as perfectly as someone else thought I should.
Let yourself get takeout.
I had invested in this cleanse as a step in the right direction: I wanted to slough off all the drinking and takeout food I had hardcore socially binged on at the end of Remote Year. So here I am — halfway thorough this cleanse week — on a 6 mile hike, eating fruit, talking to good friends, and I remembered all the amazing Indian food dinners that we would go to when we were sick of local fare and wanted comfort and flavor and happiness. Needless to say, after such a great day, feeling all the good memories, and hungry as a bear, I was really jonesing for some flavorful sauces.
So I got myself some takeout. It was so glorious after a plant and liquid diet for a few days that I had a zen moment chewing on my veggie tikka masala. I congratulated myself on keeping up with some fab friends. I breathed in a glorious day. I looked ahead to tomorrow, and got excited for more routine, a reaffirmation of the cleanse, and to roll up my shirtsleeves to get some work done.
My point is this:
So what if you don’t follow things perfectly? So what if you learn on the fly? So what if all you can bring to a new job is a wacky resume and tons of innovation and start-up experience and a huge can-do attitude and the willingness to try anything to make the world a better place? So what if you follow your body and give itself what it needs, in order to try the uncomfortable and healthier options on all the other days? Slowing down on a long hike with friends, ordering takeout because it reminds you of kind, attentive, fantastic, adventuresome people, even if it’s off your “diet”? So what if you aren’t what someone is looking for on paper?
Try something new. Do something new. A little goes a long way, and you’re better in person, flaws and all.
